One caveat: I've shared this list with a few people and a couple of women shocked me by trying to make legitimate excuses for this behavior. Not surprisingly, they've been Hamstered by men. I can appreciate being naive, we've all been at one point or another, but with this list, you've been warned.
(the list is at the bottom of the page)
I'm going to use a real life example of a person we'll call "Van." I was new to the online dating world at the time and had I known then what I know now, I would've taken her to Carl's Jr for the first date and saved a couple of hundred bucks.
Early warning signs can be drawn from online dating sites because no matter how rosy the woman paints herself to be, she inadvertently gives herself away with the way she answers questions (on those sites that have that.) Such was the case with Van. One of the questions was "How important is money/wealth for you in a match?" Her answer? Very important. Another great one was "If you were to be with one person for the rest of your life, which of the following would fear most?" Her answer? Insufficient sex.
Apparently, I missed these signals and went on a couple of dates. She alleged she was an MBA, a teacher and a private tutor. She had an 11 year old son, but no mention of the baby's daddy, so I assume he was out of the picture. Whether or not she got support wasn't covered. What she did reveal was that she was renting rooms out in her house to make ends meet....yet she was driving a BMW 3 series. Odd priorities, but maybe she had the car before the divorce....or break up.
I liked that she was a teacher and it didn't matter that she didn't make a lot of money, as I know full well that when you marry into the Asian culture, the man is the provider. With my salary, not an issue.
After several long conversations on the phone that all went very well, Hamster Van grew more comfortable with me. On one evening, she went out with her gal pals and sent me texts of her through the night. Thoughtful gesture, I thought.
Interestingly, I learned that she has a Facebook, but doesn't use it. Classic Hamster move. If a person has a Facebook and won't let you see it, they're a Hamster, or they're hiding something. If a person has a Facebook and really doesn't use it, they're probably covering their ass by making sure no evidence of relationships exist.
Further, when a person has a password on their phone and/or picks up and holds it close to their chest when they get a text, you're probably dating a Hamster. Yes, I realize passwords protect your phone if it gets stolen, I'm suggesting that combined, these characteristics usually indicate Hamster-ness.
Another trait unique to foreign women, in particular, Vietnamese women, is the names they use in public are not what's on their ID, nine times out of ten. This makes it especially hard to track them online, especially with a Vietnamese woman because in a country of 85 million people, there are six last names...Tran, Vo, Vu, Nguyen, Pham and Lam. Generic caucasian names can be a problem for those of you dating white people. Even in today's social media world, it's hard to track a Viet woman online. So few of them use LinkedIn (there's no photo album section there, that's a turn off for some) and such was the case with Hamster Van.
As things progressed leading up to the second date, the flattery ensued. She'd text me all sorts of sweet things like "handsome," "you're a distinguished, affluent gentlemen" followed by a bevy of pictures.
Alright, maybe she was just being attentive.
On the second date, we went to a nice restaurant overlooking the ocean. Van wanted picture after picture of us but almost melted down when she accidentally deleted a handful of them. Mind you, each picture took a minute and a half of her fixing her hair for an iPhone photo. When a person is this vain, that's a huge red flag. I was annoyed, but I shrugged it off.
That night and over the next few days, I was treated to more and more pictures of her, in varying states of dress. The pictures included her in a maid's outfit, a nurse's outfit, other costumes...and a topless photo. This is after the second date, mind you.
Regardless, I didn't know what a Hamster was at the time, so I plead ignorance. At the time, I chalked it up to her being "really into me." We kissed goodnight and had a few more texts before by.
A few days went by and nothing. So I texted. No response.
After another day, I texted once saying "I hope you're ok, if you've decided not to pursue this any further, simply tell me that and I'll move on." Nothing. I texted again the next day "I thought maybe you lost your phone, but I'll guess I'll never know. I enjoyed our time together and I hope that wherever you are, you're safe, happy and healthy. Best wishes on life's journey. Xoxo" Still nothing.
Shortly thereafter, I saw she logged on to her dating profile. What kind of woman doesn't have the freaking courtesy to send a simple message 'hey, sorry, I've had a change of heart, I think you're great but I don't think I'm the right one for you'?
Hell, a Hamster like that should have that exact text posted in her "Notes" section in her iPhone because surely she'll use it over and over again.
The point is that there were warning signs. Vanity, materialistic tendencies, the fact that she has a dozen sexy Halloween costumes ready to try on just to send me pics and the willingness to send a relative stranger nearly naked photos were all giant warnings. Warnings I missed and attributed to my animal magnetism (/sarcasm).
Another great one (at least in the online dating world) is shirtless bathroom mirror photos of men and shots of women who go out of their way to show you their cleavage. Hamster-ish, in both cases.
If you pay attention to these signs, you might prevent being Hamstered.
Here is a partial list:
- Questionable Facebook practices (no Facebook, won't show you his/her Facebook)
- If it's a woman, if she has no female friends. Giant red flag. If he's a man and he has a ton of female friends.
- Hides their phone the instant they get a text
- Won't tell you their full name
- You tried to research them in Google, you can't find a thing. Not a LinkedIn profile, nothing.
- Materialistic
- Lives at home with family
- Lives beyond their means
- Questionable job (Hairdesser, Admin Asst., Manicurist, Secretary, Entertainer, Exotic dancer, Receptionist)
- Children with a parent that is not involved or paying support
- No real 5 year or 10 year plan for their life
- Unrealistic goals (wants to live in a mansion by the ocean but works for $10/hr)
And the two basic guiding principles for dating (applies to anyone that has ever been married before)
- Women are USUALLY looking to marry UP in status and wealth
- Men are USUALLY looking to marry DOWN in age but UP in looks.
Life can be very displeasing especially when we loose the ones we love and cherish so much. in this kind of situation where one loses his/her soul mate there are several dangers engage in it. one may no longer be able to do the things he was doing before then success will be very scarce and happiness will be rare. that person was created to be with you for without him things may fall apart. That was my experience late last month. but thank god today i am happy with him again. all thanks to DR Lawrence, i was nearly loosing hope until i saw an article on how DR Lawrence could cast a love spell to make lovers come back. There is no harm in trying, i said to my self. i contacted him via email: drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com. words are not be enough to express what he has done for me. i have promised to share the good news as long as i live........cyan
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