Such was the case with today's Hamster who we'll call "Mary." Mary's profile listed her as a divorcee who was active, fun, a woman who loved to travel and enjoyed sunsets at the beach. The same crap that every woman lists. I mean, really, who doesn't like those things?
After a few emails, we decided to switch to phone calls. They were always brief because she kept insisting that "if you really want to know, you'll have to meet me."
Fair enough.
Our meeting was set for a little place I knew in Irvine. She lived in Long Beach and I lived in Ladera, so it wasn't far. When I arrived, she looked familiar....really familiar. I couldn't place her, but she seemed pleasant and we walked around the Spectrum for awhile.
When we got to the restaurant, more and more details emerged as I trudged through my roster of questions. Mary had three little kids at home and the father had ditched her for a younger woman, was not paying child support and he already had two more kids with the younger woman. Interestingly, they had only been divorced a few months, which means that the father was clearly involved with the other woman prior to them splitting up.
Mary was a very pretty girl, so it makes me wonder what the other woman looked like. Remembering a famous swap meet t-shirt I once saw, "No Matter How Hot She Is, Somewhere, Someone is sick of Her Shit." Misogynistic diatribe aside, it does sort of make sense...and should've served as a warning.
The conversation continued and I glazed over for a bit as she told me about her Administrative Assistant position. A proud graduate of some local Junior College, I was enthralled by her story of how she "put herself through school" while attending to three small children. I've never been to a Junior College, but it must be hard because my baby brother spent the better part of a decade there earning his AA Degree.
Jokes aside, I'm sure being a parent, maintaining a job and family all at the same time was no easy feat, but she was looking very Hamster-ish at this point.
At the time, I dismissed all of this information as just the plight of a woman who had faced some challenges, made some errors in decision and was moving to better her life.
Still, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that I knew her.
As the date wrapped up, I handed her my card with all my information on it and she handed me hers. It listed her job as "photographer, model, event planner." As Hamster-ish as that sounded, it was her last name that caught my eye. I recognized immediately.
I went home and pulled out a calendar I had that featured pretty girls and hot cars. There she was, Miss March, 2002. The pieces started to come together. She knew my ex wife, another Asian "import model" and I had seen her at many shows because I use to show my cars at events like Hot Import Nights.
Still, in six years, you had to be impressed that she now had three kids, a divorce and an AA degree.
I decided to look her up on the internet. Bad idea. I was treated to a bevy of images of her in various states of dress...and undress. Better yet, I was treated to videos of her.
While none of these videos showed her engaged in any sex acts (I'd have to subscribe for a membership to see those), I had certainly seen enough. It was as if I skipped the next 20 dates and moved right to the intimacy part. Wow...that saved me hundreds of dollars.
What classifies a woman as a porn star? In my eyes, anytime the girl is nude, it's porn. But in reality, there are various levels.
Hamsters who are models follow a predictable path to ruin:
Model at car shows > Calendar Girls > Car magazine Cover models > Implied Nude photo sessions > Full nude sessions > Web cam, fully nude > Soft Porn > Hard porn > Escort > Ruin.
The lucky ones get out somewhere along the way, either reforming, marrying a sugar daddy or simply going back to school and making something of their lives.
Curiosity had me intrigued, so my next phone call to her was investigative in nature. Turns out she had married a DJ at a young age and had had her first child way back in 2001. Interestingly, she was still modeling after that so I can only imagine what she told her kids as she was heading off to do some nude modeling but who am I to judge.
I asked her if she knew my ex wife and of course she did, but she didn't recognize me. Nevertheless, we mused that we probably knew some of the same people...and the same girls. Probably not, since I don't have a pay subscription to any of the websites that her girlfriends are on.
Taking a bird's eye view, here was a 36 year old woman (at the time) with three kids, a deadbeat dad, an AA degree, a background in "questionable" modeling and a long roster of pictures and videos available online.
I can only imagine introducing her to my mom. "Hi Mom, this is Mary. She's a college grad and is very popular online." My dad would surely already know her, as he can no doubt afford subscriptions to those websites.
Nevertheless, this Hamster wouldn't be right for me. Some men would jump at the chance to date such a woman, assuming she has super human intimacy skills, flexible morality and would be a real prize. Not this man. With three kids at home and such a background, she needed what I couldn't offer.
For all I knew, she was still on a downward spiral and might eventually wind up as an escort, or perhaps I was catching her in the middle of her recovery period. While I admired the fact that she was making a go of it on her own, she really didn't have any choice as her parents had long turned a blind eye to her (which, in an Asian family, is a very big deal.)
The story is familiar, as I've known dozens of models who became Hamsters and the internet is full of great stories (Google "Sasha Singleton v Ben Baller" for an epic tale of one model who followed the path I outlined above...epic read!)
I told her we'd catch up later in the week, as I had to get running. I never called her back. I'm sure she figured it out, as I was still on that site for several months after. I did glance at her profile once more, after she changed her picture to the same one I saw in the calendar I had. I should've got her autograph, as I probably could've scored a few bucks for it on Ebay.
In any case, I wish this Hamster well on the wheel of life.
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