My neighbors Phil and Dana were into Amway in a big way. Although he had mentioned to me, he never tried to force it on me. I respected him for that, so when he introduced me and my GF to another couple, I felt at ease about joining them for a presentation on another money making venture.
Sam and Tracy were also neighbors and we shared many things in common, including gorgeous female mates and the referral to the new business opportunity came from them. We agreed at their insistence, partly because we just thought they were cool people.
The big night came and we were taken to a nice house in the suburbs. There were about 8 other cars there and all were upscale European models. I was feeling reasonably confident that this was worth investigating further.
In we walked to a large living room with muted lighting, black lights in several fixtures and the smell of incense.
Ok, a little weird.
We were escorted to a large family room by a hostess wearing a skin tight short dress. She was a stunning blonde and went by the name of "Montana." As a side note, any woman named after a state or a city is destined for a life of porn, based on my years of experience.
But I digress.
Once in the family room, the other guests came into view. They were all seated facing a long, narrow table upon which there were lotions, lubricants and sex toys large enough to satisfy equestrian mammals. There were versions ranging from mild to wild, some took two batteries, some took four and the granddaddy of them all probably needed a small nuclear reactor.
I suddenly realized that this was no TupperWare party. In fact, it was an "effer-ware" party. Guests were invited to get into the growing business of "adult toy sales and distribution."
Stunned, I tried to think of graceful ways to flee the building. Since my GF and I arrived late, we were seated near the front of the room.
Our hostess "Montana" took the last chair, a white folding one, at the front of the room. Placing her feet on the coffee table as if it was a set of stirrups, she promptly began demonstrating one of the toys as she gave her reasons why this was a great business venture.
The other women all approached her as if it get a better look, or perhaps to give her a "hand."
As I looked to my left to tell my GF that we could leave whenever she wanted, I noticed she was missing.
Apparently, while I had covered my eyes, she had slipped in with the crowd and made her way to the front of the room.
There she was, bent over, watching this escapade, keenly focused on the techniques displayed. I could no longer hear what was being said, partly due to the "oohs" and "ahhs" emanating from our hostess, but perhaps more so from the loud buzz of the device itself.
Behind me, the men sat totalky entranced, making jokes and changing angles for a better view.
I found myself wandering around the table reading the inventory and price list as if I were actually interested.
Joined by two other fellows, I was told that most of the couples here were all swingers.
In social situations to which I had been accustomed, I'm usually talking car stats with new friends. On this night, we were sharing girlfriend stats as if we trading baseball cards. As the guys chatted about their gf's stats, I was eventually asked about my gf's "assets."
Strangely, I found myself talking her up as if I were actually interested in a swap and what she could "bring to the party."
Next came the pictures. You guessed it, these men had Polaroids of their home "apparatus." The "guy" in me marveled at their technology and improvisation. The real me found the whole thing amusing and disturbing.
I pondered what trait I had displayed to make Sam and Tracy think that I'd be even remotely up for this type of activity or these types of devices. I came up short, no pun intended.
Somehow, I got through the evening. As the event was winding down...or perhaps the batteries were dead...it was time to say goodbye.
The ride home was in total silence. I was mortified and embarrassed. I thought for sure my GF would be highly upset with me.
Upon arriving home, my GF and I retreated to separate rooms. About 30 minutes later, I was summoned to the bedroom. I was sure the argument would ensue.
In I walked into the bedroom with the scent of incense. There was muted lighting and black lights in most of the light fixtures. At the front of the room was a white folding chair. you can imagine the rest.
After that, there was never a full package of batteries in our house again.
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