An Angry Woman is a Celibate Woman

One of the fundamental differences between men and women is how we are hardwired. This was the topic of discussion between me and a woman friend of mine. 

The discussion started with the topic of sex drive differences between men and women. Generally, most will agree that men are known for having a higher sex drive than a woman. In fact, it’s almost an accepted norm of society. 

Statistics back this up, too, as study after study bolsters this analysis. A women’s libido is powerfully connected to her emotions….in other words, her mood. Piss her off and the man will find himself high and dry more often than not. A man, on the other hand, is a much more simplistic creature: if she’s up for it, we’re up for it, nine times out of ten.

However, the woman with whom I was discussing this noted that she was not hardwired that way. In fact, she asserted that even when her man upset her, she could envision almost no scenario in which she’d turn down intimacy.

Her thought process was that this was one of life’s simple pleasures and that if one is having a bad day, a little physical intimacy was sure to make it better.

I couldn’t agree more.

But surely she must recognize that she is the exception to the rule. In fact, I can cite example after example how an angry woman is a celibate woman.

Take my ex wife, for example. Her libido factored in all the occurrences on all the days since our last encounter prior to “being in the mood” for a fresh encounter. Disqualifying infractions included everything from leaving the toilet seat up to leaving the pull tab from a milk jug on the counter.

Of course, it wasn’t that way when we were dating. Short of cheating on her, there was virtually nothing I could do to dissuade her from enjoying intimacy.

That lead me to some reflection and statistical analysis of my past relationships to see if I could spot a trend. Not so much a trend as to whether or not making a woman angry reduced her sex drive…it does and science backs it up…but just exactly how far could a man go in upsetting his mate before she turns off all access.

I’ve compiled a list of the top five things I’VE done to get shut out from various women:

#5 Hiding all of her granny panties in the same closet in which we keep the vacuum cleaner (in my defense, I thought she’d neverfind them there.)

#4 Asking for extra large condoms at the Pharmacy counter while she was picking up medicine for a sore throat.

#3 Walking around a pile of dog poo in the family room for three days (I plead entrapment. She knew it was there before I did.)

#2 Telling a woman that her sister had a nicer rack than she did. (in my defense, they were real…and they were spectacular)

#1 And, after my son was born, when the doctor was giving her an episiotomy, I asked him to add a couple of extra stitches. In front of her mother. (for the record, I knew I was shut out for six weeks anyway, so I figured “what the hell?”)

For the life of me, I can't figure out what went wrong in any of those relationships.