Define "Stupid"

There are many ways to define "stupid." Actions, words, lack of education, but whatever method you use to define stupidity is your choice.  For our purposes, let's just use the word "stupid" to describe someone who just hasn't learned how to say or do a certain thing intelligently.

We've all said or done something stupid. Some of us have even dated someone stupid. Of course, we didn't know they were stupid going in, we just made excuses for them. "Oh, he's more book smart than street smart." Or, "oh, English is a second language for her, so she just misspoke."

All of those may have been true in certain circumstances but sometimes, you just have to realize that you're dating a stupid person.

Since I started dating back in the 80's, I've had more than my share of stupid women in my life. Some of their words are indellibly etched in my brain. As much as I love to use quotes from my idol Winston Churchill, I prefer instead to regurgitate the priceless gems uttered by some of my less cerebral suitors.

I suppose you're all expecting me to share some of these ramblings....but seeing how I'm a gentleman and all, that wouldn't be appropriate. 

Screw that...you know me better, so here they are in no particular order:

1) VIRGINITY
I dated this blonde little hottie when I was about 24.  She was 19. We were on a long drive somewhere and had time to kill.  We discussed really only two topics on the drive: Zodiac signs and sexual preferences.  She couldn't speak intelligently on either topic as she seemed to be utterly clueless about the subject matter.  After a disagreement about the importance of Astrology, it grew silent.  Finally, I broke the silence by asking her if she was a virgin. Her reply? 'No, I'm a Sagitarian.'  WTF?  Of course, I made sure she was neither by the end of the weekend.

2) DIRECTIONS
Every man and woman has had this argument: men suck at asking for directions. Some women insist that GPS was invented BY women FOR men. I disagree. I can count on one hand the number of women I know that can tell you which direction they're headed, even at sunset. Which brings me to next dingbat. This one was street smart...in fact, she seemed pretty sharp overall. Still, sometimes, people have that ONE thing they're NOT good at.

Case in point: On a drive through Malibu while headed to a party, I asked my GF to look at the map to help me see if we had missed our turn. This was pre-navigation system days, so we had a Thomas Brother's Guide in the car. It was sunset and we were about to be late to a party. She angrily proclaimed 'I don't even know which way we're pointing, so I don't think I can help. Why don't you pull over and ask for directions?' 

Mind you, the sun was setting on our left.  We're on PCH....in California.  Passing Malibu. And you don't know which way we're pointed?  I politely pointed all of this out. Her response was to roll down the window.  Did she fart or was she trying to get a whiff of the jet stream to determine our relative position?  Perhaps she had a sextant up her skirt.

By this time, I'm laughing my ass off. She was laughing too, eventually calming down to the point that she was going to try to help. Finally, she utters this gem "Let's see...we're going up hill, so we're going North."  WTF?!?  I had to pull over for that one.  "So you mean that because we're going up hill, we can ONLY be going north? By that logic, there are no down hill sections of road anywhere between us and the north pole?"  I promptly explained to her some basic navigation skills.

When we broke up, her next car came with navigation. She had replaced me with a GPS.  Talk about a blow to my ego.

3) HISTORY FAIL
At one point in my life, I settled in to a wonderful relationship with an amazing young woman. We did everything together, even got ready for work together. Part of our morning routine was to switch on CNN in the morming while we dressed for work. On this particular morning (circa 1991), CNN was announcing changes to the Russian currency.  Since communism had recently ended in Russia, seems they were going on about taking 'Lenin's picture off the Russian Ruble.'  My lady was astonished, 'what? they're taking his picture off the Ruble? Why is John Lennon's picture on Russian money anyway?'  Holy shit. "Honey, are you kidding? Did you have history in school? Were you sick that day?  It's Vladimir Lenin, leader of the Bolsheviks, the dude who started the communist movement in Russia. Ring a bell?" 'Oh I just that it was a tribute to him because they did that "Back in the USSR" song."

4) PHYSICS FAIL
Living with a girl at my beautiful house in Ladera Ranch meant some great backyard pool parties. On one occassion, my GF decided to handle the barbecue duties. Every woman knows that the barbecue is man country. We don't mess with your tampons, you don't mess with our grill. It should be a constitutional amendment, in fact.

In any case, my GF decided that since the grill didn't light properly by using the built in igniter, she'd let the barbecue "warm up" by letting the gas run for about a minute before she actually lit the barbecue. All of this was unbeknownst to me because I was in the shower at the time.

As I'm walking out the screen door to the backyard, I'm overcome by the smell of gas...a signal that SHE interpreted to mean that the barbecue was "ready."  She promptly inserted the ligher between the grates and FWOOOOOSH!  All of this happened in a second...I had no time to react. Fortunately, no one was hurt but her hair was singed badly.  She ran into the bathroom, genuinely scared. When she emerged to our waiting guests, all she could worry about was whether or not her missing bangs were noticeable. 'Can you tell me hair is shorter in the front?'  Everyone was too busy laughing under their breath.  Finally, I replied, "honey...no one really notices your missing bangs.  Mostly because we can't stop looking for your eyebrows."  She ran into our bedroom and cried for an hour. I was there, by her side, explaining the principles of combustion, gases and flame propagation. I thought she was listening intently when finally, after a long pause, she said 'I've got it down now. From now on, YOU handle the barbecue.' 

5) PHYSICS FAIL II
One of the same ladies above gave me this story:

One day, while washing my car next to my garage, my GF noted that my garden hose was leaking profusely at the spigot. In another words, where the hose fastened to the fixture coming out of the wall, it leaked around the collar (for those who don't know what a spigot is).

She says 'Oh, why is your hose leaking so much?' I replied "I ran over the end of it with the car."

She spent the next five minutes looking at my bumper/fender and the hose end, trying to figure out how I got my car UP on the wall of the house to run over the wall-mounted spigot.

I finally figured out what she was doing when I said to her, "dear, the hose was on the floor when I ran over the end of it. I THEN mounted it to the spigot."  I could hear the Hamster wheel in her head spinning but eventually, the light went on.

6) CAR KNOWLEDGE
I don't expect any woman to know much about cars. It's not their thing and it's readily accepted that the cars in a family are the man's responsibility. Yes, I know some chicks are great with cars, but other than a couple of cute Asian rally/drift drivers I know, I wouldn't date any of them.

Nevertheless, it's always hysterical to me when a woman tries to debate with me about her car issue. Invariably, the discussion of my past with cars ALWAYS comes up and you'd THINK that most women would just accept my advice.

I would happily accept advice from a woman on cleaning internal orifices given that they have experience, so when I offer up advice on diagnosing or handling a car situation, damn it, I expect any woman I date to take it.

Not this Hamster.

This Hamster calls me one day telling me she'll be late for our meetup. When I ask why, she says 'I  think I have a flat tire.'  Hmmm.... flat tires are pretty cut and dry, so either it's flat or way low on air pressure and about to be flat. I promptly ask her to text me a picture.  Her reply? 'I'm on the freeway, I'll text you when I get off the freeway.'  Trying to remain calm, I promptly explain to her that it's in her best interest to get off and stop someplace safe within the next 60 seconds.  She does so, then texts me a picture.  The tire completely flat. She calls me back and says 'Is it serious?'  I of course explained to her that she would need her spare installed and that I'd head over to take care of it for her. Her reply had me laughing for the next two days: 'Can't I keep driving? It's only flat on the bottom!' 

In fairness, NONE of these women were stupid...they just didn't have knowledge on particular topics. All these women are today, high functioning, gainfully employed and happy. All of them made me happy in one way or another, so I tell these stories to remind me that not everyone can know everything about everything.

I have to further remind myself that as silly as these comments seemed to me at the time, I'd look equally silly trying to discuss the semblance of Star Trek's predictions to today's reality to an Astrophysicist. 

We're all smart in our own ways. And we're all not so smart to others. I accept this about myself....and I need to learn to accept it of others.

My Friends' Advice

How often have we all listened to a friend's advice in one point of our lives? Sometimes, it takes decades of life experiences to get enough clarity to see that they're more screwed up than you are. 

Many of my friends have been close to me for decades. Some give better advice than others, but all are funny and they all likewise care about my happiness. 

Still, I have to wonder if they're really more messed up than I am, more lacking social graces or are just generally having fun at my expense. 

I have two friends that obsessed with breasts, another believes that sexual performance means the most and several others who are more reasonable. 

My female friends are now my primary sounding board, but I still marvel at some of my other friends' pearls of wisdom. 

Allow me to cite a few examples:

When I complained to friend once about the wild food my Chinese girlfriend enjoyed, he suggested that I try out the sex with her ASAP. His reasoning was that if she ate gross food, shed put anything in her mouth and the sex would be wild. Amazing reasoning. 

I once told my friend I was having trouble choosing between two ladies. He simply asked which had a better rack. I refused to answer, noting that both were ample. His advice? Be wary of a skinny girl with a big rack...she'll always grow into them. 

On another occasion, I was pontificating that one gal I was dating was a bit too freaky for my tastes. My friend's suggestion was that I only stay over on nights when her daughter was home, that way there would be limits to how wild she got. 

The worst advice I got was from another friend that suggested I was spending too much on lavish dinner dates. He simply sent me a link to a website...for hookers. 

In all seriousness, much of this advice is offered tongue in cheek, but it shows how some men think. This is probably why I don't share details with my male friends, nor do I seek their advice much. 

Still, one could argue that I could hardly do much worse as of late.  My dating calendar had largely settled into a mundane but pleasant routine of dating fairly stable, interesting women who were mostly normal. 

I had come close to finding a good one a couple of times, but the more time that passed, the more I saw we weren't compatible. 

The simple fact is that every woman is different and the older we get, the more we should be in tune with what our true measures of compatibility are for us as individuals. 

The failure for a dating relationship to progress is not necessarily an indication that there's anything wrong with a person, just that they're not a good fit for each other. 

There's a saying in the car business: "There's a butt for every seat." 

I guess my question is, I've seen plenty of butts, when am I going to bring home a keeper."

If you think about it, finding a mate is like buying a car. You cruise the places where the new models are on display. You become interested and learn a little more. You go online and try to find reviews by others. Then, you take it for a test drive. Is it a high maintenance model?  What's the monthly maintenance cost? How many miles on it? Does it carry a lot of baggage? Is the trunk the right size? Is she built for speed or she good for long distance? Have there been a lot of previous owners? And most of all, what are you going to have to trade to land the deal you want?

It shouldn't be that way. I still believe you should like what you like and there are no warranties, expressed or implied. While you might consider all of the above, just remember that people are like cars: they may not be perfect, but with a strong attachment on an emotional level, nearly all flaws can be handled with a little work.  Or a good lube job, as my friends might suggest. 

Happy motoring. 

Faith Restored

Every once in awhile, someone comes along to restore your faith in humanity, or at least in the opposite sex. 

I'm fortunate enough that I have the friendship of many such people. Several of them read my blog, just happen to be female and all of them have had a profound effect on my life. 

Among people I call friends are ladies with whom I have decades of history. Some are ex girlfriends, some are old classmates and some just people that impacted my life along the way. 

Many of them have shared with me their own tales of relationship challenges and I've learned a great deal from them. We all have one thing in common, if nothing else: we're all human and as such, we're not above making a mistake despite seeing the warning signs. 

They say you should live life without regrets but I don't think that's realistic. I've stayed too long in a bad relationship or two, I've let a good one go (just recently) and somehow, I've managed to take the lessons I've learned to try to better myself. 

Everyone needs good friends, especially during rough times. Sometimes, a friend just needs to vent and sometimes, they genuinely want your advice. Universally, they don't want judgments and speaking for myself, I certainly don't want to them to tell me what they think I want to hear. 

I've had the opportunity to view the damage done by friends telling you what you want to hear. Supporting one blindly only feeds the narcissistic tendencies in some so for me, I'd much rather hear things like 'what did you learn from this?'

Self reflection is a good thing, but only if its honest and deeply introspective. Fake friends are no friends at all and taking relationship advice from anyone not introspective enough to openly share where they went wrong is probably not advisable. 

Fortunately, I don't have people in my life like that. 

I can appreciate the notion of a friend being supportive, but there has to be a balance. Each person must take responsibility for their own actions and carefully examine what they did, right or wrong, to influence the outcome of their relationship. 

They say that every romantic relationship fails except the last one you're in. But is it really a failure if you take the lessons learned to heart?  

And I've learned something from every relationship.  More importantly, I learn from my friends. 

While we all make mistakes, it's what we learn from them that fosters true personal growth. 

One lesson I've learned the hard way is that you can't change a person that thinks they are without flaws. Another is that birds of a feather flock together. But the most enduring lesson has been to recognize my own flaws and how I must suppress them better when faced with adversity.  

By no means will we ever be perfect. But we're all human and what separates us from other life forms is the ability for self improvement.  In short, if you identify something you don't like about yourself, change it. If you find something you don't like about someone else, decide whether or not you can accept it. If not, don't even try.  In the end, you're the one who will come off looking bad. 

An Angry Woman is a Celibate Woman

One of the fundamental differences between men and women is how we are hardwired. This was the topic of discussion between me and a woman friend of mine. 

The discussion started with the topic of sex drive differences between men and women. Generally, most will agree that men are known for having a higher sex drive than a woman. In fact, it’s almost an accepted norm of society. 

Statistics back this up, too, as study after study bolsters this analysis. A women’s libido is powerfully connected to her emotions….in other words, her mood. Piss her off and the man will find himself high and dry more often than not. A man, on the other hand, is a much more simplistic creature: if she’s up for it, we’re up for it, nine times out of ten.

However, the woman with whom I was discussing this noted that she was not hardwired that way. In fact, she asserted that even when her man upset her, she could envision almost no scenario in which she’d turn down intimacy.

Her thought process was that this was one of life’s simple pleasures and that if one is having a bad day, a little physical intimacy was sure to make it better.

I couldn’t agree more.

But surely she must recognize that she is the exception to the rule. In fact, I can cite example after example how an angry woman is a celibate woman.

Take my ex wife, for example. Her libido factored in all the occurrences on all the days since our last encounter prior to “being in the mood” for a fresh encounter. Disqualifying infractions included everything from leaving the toilet seat up to leaving the pull tab from a milk jug on the counter.

Of course, it wasn’t that way when we were dating. Short of cheating on her, there was virtually nothing I could do to dissuade her from enjoying intimacy.

That lead me to some reflection and statistical analysis of my past relationships to see if I could spot a trend. Not so much a trend as to whether or not making a woman angry reduced her sex drive…it does and science backs it up…but just exactly how far could a man go in upsetting his mate before she turns off all access.

I’ve compiled a list of the top five things I’VE done to get shut out from various women:

#5 Hiding all of her granny panties in the same closet in which we keep the vacuum cleaner (in my defense, I thought she’d neverfind them there.)

#4 Asking for extra large condoms at the Pharmacy counter while she was picking up medicine for a sore throat.

#3 Walking around a pile of dog poo in the family room for three days (I plead entrapment. She knew it was there before I did.)

#2 Telling a woman that her sister had a nicer rack than she did. (in my defense, they were real…and they were spectacular)

#1 And, after my son was born, when the doctor was giving her an episiotomy, I asked him to add a couple of extra stitches. In front of her mother. (for the record, I knew I was shut out for six weeks anyway, so I figured “what the hell?”)

For the life of me, I can't figure out what went wrong in any of those relationships. 

Effer-Ware

Many years ago, Amway was one of the multi level marketing schemes touring suburban circles. I always viewed Amway as sort of a cult, similar to the way some view Scientology:things just didn't add up for me. After all, if something is that great, you shouldn't have to chase recruits.

My neighbors Phil and Dana were into Amway in a big way. Although he had mentioned to me, he never tried to force it on me. I respected him for that, so when he introduced me and my GF to another couple, I felt at ease about joining them for a presentation on another money making venture. 

Sam and Tracy were also neighbors and we shared many things in common, including gorgeous female mates and the referral to the new business opportunity came from them. We agreed at their insistence, partly because we just thought they were cool people. 

The big night came and we were taken to a nice house in the suburbs. There were about 8 other cars there and all were upscale European models.  I was feeling reasonably confident that this was worth investigating further. 

In we walked to a large living room with muted lighting, black lights in several fixtures and the smell of incense.  

Ok, a little weird. 

We were escorted to a large family room by a hostess wearing a skin tight short dress. She was a stunning blonde and went by the name of "Montana." As a side note, any woman named after a state or a city is destined for a life of porn, based on my years of experience. 

But I digress. 

Once in the family room, the other guests came into view. They were all seated facing a long, narrow table upon which there were lotions, lubricants and sex toys large enough to satisfy equestrian mammals. There were versions ranging from mild to wild, some took two batteries, some took four and the granddaddy of them all probably needed a small nuclear reactor. 

I suddenly realized that this was no TupperWare party. In fact, it was an "effer-ware" party. Guests were invited to get into the growing business of "adult toy sales and distribution."   

Stunned, I tried to think of graceful ways to flee the building. Since my GF and I arrived late, we were seated near the front of the room. 

Our hostess "Montana" took the last chair, a white folding one, at the front of the room. Placing her feet on the coffee table as if it was a set of stirrups, she promptly began demonstrating one of the toys as she gave her reasons why this was a great business venture. 

The other women all approached her as if it get a better look, or perhaps to give her a "hand."

As I looked to my left to tell my GF that we could leave whenever she wanted, I noticed she was missing. 

Apparently, while I had covered my eyes, she had slipped in with the crowd and made her way to the front of the room. 

There she was, bent over, watching this escapade, keenly focused on the techniques displayed. I could no longer hear what was being said, partly due to the "oohs" and "ahhs" emanating from our hostess, but perhaps more so from the loud buzz of the device itself. 

Behind me, the men sat totalky entranced, making jokes and changing angles for a better view. 

I found myself wandering around the table reading the inventory and price list as if I were actually interested. 

Joined by two other fellows, I was told that most of the couples here were all swingers. 

In social situations to which I had been accustomed, I'm usually talking car stats with new friends.  On this night, we were sharing girlfriend stats as if we trading baseball cards. As the guys chatted about their gf's stats, I was eventually asked about my gf's "assets."  

Strangely, I found myself talking her up as if I were actually interested in a swap and what she could "bring to the party."

Next came the pictures. You guessed it, these men had Polaroids of their home "apparatus."  The "guy" in me marveled at their technology and improvisation. The real me found the whole thing amusing and disturbing. 

I pondered what trait I had displayed to make Sam and Tracy think that I'd be even remotely up for this type of activity or these types of devices. I came up short, no pun intended. 

Somehow, I got through the evening. As the event was winding down...or perhaps the batteries were dead...it was time to say goodbye. 

The ride home was in total silence. I was mortified and embarrassed. I thought for sure my GF would be highly upset with me. 

Upon arriving home, my GF and I retreated to separate rooms. About 30 minutes later, I was summoned to the bedroom. I was sure the argument would ensue. 

In I walked into the bedroom with the scent of incense. There was muted lighting and black lights in most of the light fixtures. At the front of the room was a white folding chair. you can imagine the rest. 

After that, there was never a full package of batteries in our house again. 

Married to a Hamster, Part I

Back in the late 1990’s, I was pursuing my car hobby with great zeal and enthusiasm. One of the activities that brought me pleasure besides racing these cars was taking them to car shows. The car show community in Southern California was a tight knit bunch back then and even though the internet was just getting going, already cliques were forming.

The way it worked back then is that you typically joined a “crew,” which was little more than a group of people that had similar interests. They were comprised mostly of men and women in their 20’s and 30’s. The crew with which I affiliated myself was called “ArtNMotion” and like all other crews, we had rivals.

 

My Hamster was an affiliate of one of the rival crews and I had seen her a few times at the shows. A few years later, we reconnected at an event series. I was a Pro Driving Instructor and she was a “booth bunny,” which was really more like a Product Specialist who spoke from a prepared script about a vehicle on display. She was an American Born Chinese lady in her early 30’s.

When I became single again, we reconnected as friends and hung out in the same group. Somehow, this segued into dating adventures where she was sweet, romantic and attentive. A few things concerned me, such as the fact that she had no driver’s license, had never owned a car and still lived at home at 34 years of age. She had a son while attending an all-girls’ Catholic school (who was, by that time, nearly ready for college) and this son had never lived with her. In retrospect, it was probably a sign of something, but she did have a close relationship with him. Of further concern was that she worked for a retail franchise that sold basically nothing more than trinkets and trash revolving around a famous cartoon character. She had been in the same job for 17 years.

 

As a pretty young lady, she had done some modeling herself which, come to find out, included “implied nude” modeling. Today, I’d immediately classify that as a bonafide Hamster, but in 2005, I wasn’t that savvy. She had her own website, her own MySpace and “fans” to whom she sent pictures…and worn undergarments (as I found out much later on.)  Our early dating life included several trips to Hawaii, which we both enjoyed. On probably the fourth trip, she suggested we get married on a beach on Hawaii. I thought that was a great idea….I didn’t realize that she meant on THIS trip. Her reasoning was that we had already been together almost two years, had known each for six years before and we needn’t bother with a big fancy, wedding, as she had few friends and only a couple of living relatives. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say, but I was swept up in it and I relented. After all, the pre marital sex was beyond stellar and we genuinely had fun together. I didn’t see much in the way of red flags, other that there was a past of which she was not proud.

 

At first, things were just fine, as very little changed.  Over time, she grew more distant and more focused on trying new things, from Yoga to gardening. This gal also fancied herself as a photographer and liked to photograph other women. Encouraging her to get behind the camera rather in front of it, we set her up with a studio in my house and all the gear necessary to run a photography business. Unfortunately, she never really fully immersed herself, but it did impress my neighbors to see so many beautiful young ladies parading in and out of my house….and made for some great stories.

 

One day, I came home a little early. As I entered the foyer, I immediately noticed the photography lighting and strewn about. To my surprise, as I looked toward the staircase, I was greeted by a fully nude young lady, upside down, sprawled out on the stairs. I of course knew what was going on, so I said aloud “honey, it’s not even my birthday!” which of course was not well received by my Hamster.

 

I retired to the living room until the session was over. After a few hours of me pondering what my life had become, I got some clarity. After a scant year together, this woman and I were virtually roommates. There was no intimacy, even less discussion and she was wholly consumed with activities like gardening, cooking fresh organic food for her two little rat dogs. The trips had stopped, the romance had stopped and furthermore, she was disappearing on weekends for “modeling” shows, yet could never produce photos from the sessions.

 

After another 8 or 9 months, things had deteriorated further and I sensed that she was miserable being away from her family, who were living in San Francisco. Despite driving there six times a year, it wasn’t enough. On the last trip, I dropped her off and she stayed another six months up there before we agreed to the split up.

 

She had left most of her personal belongings behind, so we eventually had to arrange to get them moved up to her. She asked me to pack everything and so I did so in earnest, wanting to close this chapter of my life. As I started to pack up her desk, I noticed a day planner full of sticky notes protruding from the binder. Curious, I looked inside to discover a long roster of men’s names with monthly tallies on dollar figures next to them. Chronicled further was a list of their fetishes and rough outlines of dialog trails they had had. This was before the iPhone days, so keeping a text trail on a Motorola flip phone was far different than it is today. From what I could read, she was “sexting” these men to “completion” after which they’d PayPal her a donation. The practice is called being a “Money Slave.” The things she texted far exceeded any talk we had during intimacy session, so I was taken aback. 

 

I’m not sure which part disturbed me more: the fact that she was capable of doing this, but not for me, or the fact that thousands of dollars were coming in that I knew nothing about. Suffice to say, it certainly strengthened my resolve to terminate the relationship.

 

In the end, I learned a very valuable lesson: just because she believes in wild pre marital sex doesn’t mean she believes in any form of post marital sex.

Women's Lib: You Can't Have it Both Ways, Ladies

With the women's lib movement of the 1960's, women preached equality with men...and rightfully so. While much progress has been made, women still face inequality in a variety of aspects. 

Ladies have it easier during the dating phase: it is a common perception even today that the man pays for every aspect of the date. Women's lib doesn't apply here and I'm ok with that. 

But as the relationship grows more serious, inevitably, questions about financial responsibility need to be discussed. 

I'm a staunch proponent of equality for women in every regard. As such, I find that hypocrisies still exist in some. 

Take a gal I know who entered into financial discussion with her long term BF as the relationship turned serious. 

She had a home already and he was a divorcee who had sold his home but was living in a nice high rise building and enjoying that lifestyle. She insisted that he move in with her, but on the condition that he pay all the household expenses including the mortgage. However, she would not put his name on the deed, she insisted on a pre nup and would also retain the tax benefits. She also wanted him to pay the property taxes. 

He turned to me for advice. 

I counseled him that this was a bad proposition. In the event of a breakup, he walks with nothing. 

They make roughly the same amount of money, around $300,000 total for the two. 

I do not understand the logic of a woman who laments about inequality of pay for female executives but insists on a free ride based on 60 year old values that suggest that the man is the provider. 

I find that way of thinking Neanderthal it's conception and fiscally irresponsible.  

My thoughts are that a couple should be in an equitable partnership. Unless the man agrees going in that the woman gets a free ride (which I think is absurd), there should be no reason to enter into such an arrangement. 

Financial discussions are usually reserved for a time when the relationship grows serious, but discussions about philosophies on finances should be held very, very early on. This way, both partners can evaluate compatibility in this area before either "invests" in the relationship. 

In my opinion, a woman who suggests that a man needs to be the sole provider when both parties are on equal footing financially is hypocritical and unjust. 

All sorts of equitable solutions can be provided and the reverse is true: a woman should not be the sole provider for any man. 

Both parties would be well advised to develop a sensible strategy but to also protect themselves with an exit strategy should the unthinkable occur.  

So how did it turn out for the unnamed couple? The GF agreed to pay 40% towards household expenses. Each of them are saving money and when they get married, they've agreed to split the house down payment 50/50 and to continue splitting the household expenses equitably.  

In today's world where more than 50% of marriages fail, both parties are better served by developing an agreement early on to prevent the harboring of resentment as they enter into a sacred union. 

And I got another qualifying question for sniffing out Hamsters early on. 

Size Matters

Every guy has done it: make a braggadocio remark about his "size" and I've heard them all, thanks to my poor choices in friends. Gems like "What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster? My zipper." Or this beauty "Yeah, I'm only two inches...from the ground."

Whether a man measures up or not is immaterial as invariably, it's something we almost never outgrow.

I certainly hadn't, even by my early twenties. But I do remember why I don't engage in such humor.

I was three or four dates into a new relationship with a gal who had dated my younger brother. During the course of one conversation, she revealed that she had indeed dated him. My brother and I traveled in different circles and we never discussed our dating lives, but since we were so different, it had never occurred to me that we'd have a woman in common.

For years before that, the only conversations we ever had about live or sex were largely based around juvenile "size" jokes. My brother wasn't circumcised and of course he was self conscious about this, so perhaps it was natural that his counter to harassment was always an assertion that he had increased length because of this fact.

Nevertheless, we had pretty much outgrown this nonsense by the time I started dating this lovely Hamster we'll call "Patty."

Patty was a nice Jewish girl from the valley and came from money. Outwardly, she was the prim and proper Jewish girl...at least around her family. Around me, she was a Type A "valley girl."

Big hair, tight spandex skirt and a butt that'd make you sit up and beg for Buttermilk were her trademarks. She was way out of my league, but my sense of humor won her over.

After a few dates, things were heating up. I felt a little weird about dating someone my brother had dated, so I was conflicted about whether or not to tell him.

My hand was forced one night when he showed up at a house party just as Patty and I were leaving. Patty was drunk so she was draped over me like a cheap suit. The look on my brother's face was priceless. She muttered something to Him as we walked by along the lines of 'hey, at least I'm keeping it in the family.'

It was awkward for sure, but nothing happened that night as the liquor prevented any shenanigans. She passed out on my bed and I dozed off not long after.

The next morning, I woke to my phone. On the line was my brother, who was clearly not happy. In essence, his position was that she was slumming with me and that we deserved each other.

I explained that I didn't know she had dated him until we were several dates in.

That didn't seem to matter. Meanwhile, Patty woke up and her snide remarks like 'say hi to your brother for me' weren't helping.

My brother grew enraged, questioning my ethics in the process. This, coming from a guy who named all the local party spots after Nazi death camps, didn't sit well with me.

In a rage, I simply replied that maybe my "manhood" was more impressive than his.

Without missing a beat, my brother fired back "yeah, Jewish chicks won't jump on anything that isn't 20% off."

Damn him.

Since I never got far enough with Patty to compare notes, let's just say that that phone call ended two relationships that morning. I haven't spoken to either of them since then. Seriously.