Tell me, urban Princess, if you're life is so grand, how the heck do you have time for Facebook at all?
I had this friend who was a Hamster by almost every definition of the word. She was 37, but looked maybe 35, had a menial job, lived at home. Although she did contribute to the rent, she spent her money on a BMW 3 series, some nice accessories and all the normal Hamster wear. i.e. the skin tight dress, an augmentation surgery, Loubotin shoes, etc. Whenever we went out, her bra looked like it was stuffed with water balloons, leaving almost nothing to one's imagination except perhaps, the name of her plastic surgeon.
She was on a mission to find "the one." What was her criteria? He had to be a doctor, lawyer or similar, had to dress a certain way, have the physique of a Greek God and had to be under 40. Mind you, this gal was average looking at best...and I'm being generous. Politely, I asked her what she "brought to the party." Her assertion was simple: "I'm a good catch."
She tended to date bad boys, then wondered why they broke her heart. She had an episode where she had to sneak out of the boyfriend's house because his live-in girlfriend showed up, had another issue where she was dating a doctor who never made time for her...because he was married...and another instance where she was dating a military guy, yet chose to "keep her options open" while he was overseas.
Her Facebook was a wild adventure of parties, panties and a parade of bars, clubs and lounges in multiple area codes.
We all know someone like that. She's the girl who goes to the fanciest places in town for "GNO" (Girls Night Out.) She pretends that she doesn't want to be hit on because this is "girl time." Guys get annoyed by this, largely because of the way she's dressed and accessorized. We think that such a woman doesn't get dressed to the nines to impress her girlfriends. We think she gets dressed up to attract the men, pure and simple. In fact, some men still think that girls who are single and dress provocatively absolutely want to be hit on no matter what, so long as the guy is smoking hot.
Perhaps she's genuinely wrapped up intriguing conversation about the new Louis Vuitton line or whatever it is Hamsters talk about, but when Mr. Super Stud enters her line of sight, you can bet she's hoping he'll come introduce himself. Or so it seems.
In reality, maybe that's not the case, but we men are simply not that smart.
You see, we can't tell the difference between a Hamster and a well-dressed normal woman when she's adorned in Hamster wear. We men ask ourselves why she's wearing that low cut dress with enough cleavage exposed to make nursing infants salivate. We're all well aware of her augmentation surgery and we're all very happy for her. But she gets mad at us when men's eyes stray downward. If she didn't want us staring, why is she putting "the girls" on display?
Most men think that if she dresses trashy, she's asking to be hit on. Neanderthal as that line of thinking is, men are conditioned to think this way.
Most men can appreciate a woman who dresses well. There just seems to be a bit of hypocrisy in some women who dress provocatively, yet they condemn others for doing the same and more importantly, the mixed signals they send tend to confuse us.
Before some women take offense to my assertions, be advised that I'm in no way condemning such a woman's actions. In fact, I salute her zeal for life, her attention to fashion and her support of the blossoming plastic surgery industry in Orange County, California.
But there's a dark secret that we men aren't telling women: to some men, these women may be viewed as accessories themselves because they've been judged solely on the way they dress in public.
That's a shame, too, because men sometimes judge too quickly. In my circle of male friends, there seems to be a consensus about Asian women in South Orange County. As a friend put it (and I'm translating into more politically correct terms here), some men believe that all Asian women "have the same look." He didn't mean to imply that they all look the same, just that they are difficult to spot the "different" ones when he goes out.
He asserted that his perception is that many women from SE Asia were born predisposed to lean body mass, and while this might be an attribute in the eyes of some men, by no means did these women do anything to achieve it. Furthermore, an augmentation surgery, while certainly helpful in providing a woman more reasonable proportions, in no way acts as a testament to a woman's workout regimen. Put bluntly, he felt that most Asian women "can be replicated."
His point was that when women dress a certain way, the men that hit on them are not marriage minded....or perhaps not even relationship minded. Putting out the vibe that a woman wants to be evaluated purely on her physical appearance attracts the wrong type of man and his assertion that women who dress that way are indeed putting out such a vibe.
Taking it a step further, he believes that such men who find these women attractive are judging on the wrong criteria themselves.
I don't think I agree unilaterally, but I can understand that line of thinking. Just as I was digesting that, it occurred to me that maybe when he said "some men," he meant me.
Cue a long weekend of self reflection.
I told myself I prefer younger women, largely because I find their energy, their daily life, their active lifestyle and their youthful exuberance invigorating. A bigger part of the story might just be that I need to have some strong physical attraction for a woman, or I can't make a go of it.
But I've dated all sorts of sizes and shapes of women, and while I generally prefer lean, I have no real preference for augmented women...nor do I discriminate. For me, it's about hair, eyes and the smile....most other physical attributes are what they are. So long as they as smart, have character, integrity, treat others with love, have a little religion in their life and are good people.
The women I admire and desire the most may or may not have had plastic surgery, but she dresses and acts in accordance with more honorable values and traits. Those are the women I want to talk to and meet....but I'll never approach them on their "girls' night out."
Being in the online dating world is a special challenge, as "Hamster-ness," is all too prevalent on most dating sites. If you've never logged on to a dating site, do so if for no other reason than morbid curiosity. There are grown women posting pictures of themselves in their underwear. Still others go to great lengths to ensure the camera angle captures their store-bought cleavage. I wouldn't contact any of them...but they often contact me.
Of greater concern is the message that dressing provocatively sends to other women. I have several friends who are not a slender, tiny 100 lbs wearing size zero clothes with C or D cups, yet I still think they're very attractive, not just because of how they look, but because of their attitude. Some of these non-size zero women seem to be a little down on themselves, largely because everyone and everything around them tells them that being a tiny, Asian Barbie doll is the only way to live.
While many of the ladies who dress provocatively actually have something more going for them: an education, a real career and a good handle on their finances, their choices have a profound affect on the men and women around them.
For starters, in South Orange County, there are literally thousands of pretty women who have the same plastic surgeon, the same designer labels and wear the same makeup these women do. Is it not more about what's on the inside than what you display outside? Obviously, I'm not suggesting women start wearing hoodies and sweats to Anqi, I'm merely suggesting that wrapping a pretty or even average woman up in super sexy attire makes it very difficult to showcase the woman inside.
I'm not smart enough to figure it out, so I simply don't approach women at bars or lounges. Still, I remain focused on finding someone who is a balance of beauty, class and sophistication on the inside as well as on the outside.
A female friend of mine once said "it doesn't matter how great I am inside. If I can't attract a man with what's on the outside, he'll never get to see my inside." Some men might assert that when a woman dresses a certain way, the man is dying to get inside you....but not in an honorable way.
So my ladies, if you see a man staring at you the next time you're out with the girls, please remember that not all of us are trying to visualize you naked: some of us are just trying to figure you out.
What is a Hamster?
Urban Dictionary uses "Hamster" as an acronym used to describe a young female who has one or more meaningless jobs. These jobs typically start with the letters H,A,M,S,T,E and R, but on some occasions may also fall outside of specified range. Said job(s) may also be the woman's elected long term vocation. Most popular HAMSTER jobs include but are not limited to the following:
H = hairstylist, hostess
A = actress, assistant
M = model, musician, mixologist
S = stripper, secretary
T = technician (nail, skin, etc.), teller
E = entertainer, exotic dancer
R = receptionist, runaway
In short, a Hamster is a woman who has little to offer other than her looks, yet seeks men based solely on their physique or financial status.
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